What You Should Look Out For in a Relationship

Gaslighting has become a well-known phenomenon in the past few years. It was even voted as the number 1 word of 2022! It refers to a form of psychological manipulation to systematically generate doubt within a person of their experience, memory, perception, or feelings. Gaslighting is a form of emotional abuse and is frequently employed by abusive partners as a way to retain dominance and superiority in a relationship. It is very effective as it leaves their partner destabilised and unable to clearly evaluate a situation, challenge the abuse or protect themselves when necessary.

Gaslighters will lead a partner to doubt their sanity or mental fitness, question their instincts emotionally and leave them perpetually confused and unable to respond to attacks. They may use numerous techniques including deceit, misdirection, contradictions, and baseless accusations. It is important to distinguish lying from gaslighting because the former can be challenged with evidence, but the latter doesn’t care of such. No amount of facts or arguments for the truth will shift the position of a partner who gaslights because they are not interested in the evidence. Their true aim is to break down their target as a way of maintaining dominance in the relationship.

It is hard to identify gaslighting because it’s aim is to destroy a person’s confidence in their judgment, causing them to question their thoughts and feelings. Here are some of the most common signs that you may be experiencing gaslighting by a partner:

• You feel the need to send long emails or text messages to your partner to explain in detail your arguments or reasoning.
  
• You always feel like you need to provide an “evidentiary base” for your feelings because they are so frequently dismissed.
  
• You feel the need to record conversations or arguments with your partner so you can listen back to them and examine arguments more closely or ask others what they think of the exchanges.
  
• You are becoming very reliant on other people’s feedback because you don’t trust your own.
  
• You are starting to rehears conversations with your partner prior as it is so hard to get any points across.
  
• You give LONG preludes or justifications before you raise something with your partner.
  
• You feel compelled to put all communication with your partner in writing as “proof” so they can’t turn around and deny their words.
  

If you think you may be experiencing gaslighting or emotional abuse in your relationship, you can listen to my podcast interview here for a thorough outline of the signs to watch out for.