Inside The Workshop “Understanding Emotional Abuse In Relationships”

Why was this workshop developed

In my years of working with women that experience abuse in their relationship, the most confusing part of it has always been the emotional manipulation. Physical abuse, explosive anger and obvious abuse tactics are easy to recognise, and they don’t create the type of self-doubt, guilt and confusion that comes with emotional abuse. Nowadays, there is a lot of literature, podcasts and video posts on narcissistic abuse and gaslighting which go some way to shed light on these detrimental practices but there is also immense variance in their content, accuracy and relevance. I saw a need to fill in the gap of knowledge between information and services regarding family violence, which there are a lot of, and the more common and widespread experience of emotional abuse that is never escalated to police involvement or contact with DV services. So many women are faced with ongoing emotionally manipulative dynamics that involve blame-shifting, chronic devaluation and some level of coercive control that is harmful, leads to toxic relationships, significant emotional harm and very painful separations, yet goes un-named, un-recognised and hidden in shame.

What will you gain from this workshop

The purpose of the workshop is to leave you with a very clear understanding and ability to identify what emotional abuse is, as well as what it isn’t. It explores in details various abuse tactics and presents numerous concrete, real-world examples to illustrate them. Participants walk away with a clear and easy to remember structure of the 3 Ds of emotional abuse that combines all the current knowledge on the topic in a comprehensive presentation. In addition, the workshop answers some of the most common and important questions women have in such relationships, including: Why does a partner treat in such a way the person they say they love?, “Does couple therapy or individual treatment help improve such relationships” and “What are helpful things you can do if you are currently being emotionally abused?”.

What are the 3Ds of Emotional Abuse

Emotional Abuse is a pattern, not single events. It involves a constellation of attitudes and behaviours that aim to maintain power and control in the relationship of one person over the other through systematic devaluation, ongoing distortion of reality, lack of consistent empathy and reciprocity in the relationship, and stifling the autonomy of the other.
In a brief summary, the 3Ds are:

Disrespect:

• Verbal explosions, name calling
• Ongoing criticism
• Lack of equal contributions
• Lack of provision of care
• Chronic dismissal of your experiences

Disempowerment:

• Micromanaging and monitoring
• Financial control
• Taking over decision making
• Restricting partner’s activities
• Threats and intimidating behaviours
• Distancing from friends and family

Distortion:

• Blame shifting
• Gaslighting/ Generating Doubt
• Victim stance
• Mistrust and jealousy
• Lying, cheating

What can you expect as a participant in the workshop

The workshop is limited to 10 people and creates a safe, intimate space for women. It is not a therapy group and while there is personal sharing and encouragement to participate in discussions, this is not necessary or expected. All women attending have been touched in some way by emotional abuse and may either be currently in a relationship they are making sense of, or in the process of separation, custody proceedings or years out of it. The tone of the workshop is caring, nurturing and considerate and creates a sense of belonging and validation for the participants. For many women, this is the first time they find themselves amongst others that have experienced exactly the same things as themselves since they may have never engaged with DV services or spoken to friends or family about the inner workings of their relationship.

What is the structure of the workshop

The workshop duration is 3.5 hours and it always runs on a Saturday from 10am-1.30pm in Malvern East. There is a short break midway with light snacks provided and time in the end for discussions and questions. Commonly, women have expressed a desire to remain in touch after the workshop and this is facilitated through the creation of a group chat with voluntary participation. No preparation for the workshop is necessary and handouts are provided, including of the 3D model and further resources recommended.

How to book a spot

The workshop aims to run every 2-3 months and spots usually fill relatively quick. If you wish to enroll, you can fill out the booking form or call directly reception at Wattletree Psychology on 03 9500 0455. If you would like a discreet booking process as you may be worried you are monitored by your partner, please mention this to reception and they can follow an anonymous process.