In reality, the abuse doesn’t always end when the relationship does.
Most people assume that once you leave an abusive partner, the worst is behind you. But for many survivors, the end of the relationship marks the beginning of a new and exhausting chapter — one where the abuse continues, just in different forms. This is known as post-separation abuse, and it can be just as damaging, if not more so, than the abuse that occurred during the relationship.
What is Post-Seperation Abuse
Post-separation abuse is a pattern of controlling, coercive, and abusive behaviours that continue after the relationship has ended. It’s often driven by the abuser’s desire to maintain power, control, and emotional dominance, particularly when legal, parenting, or financial ties remain in place.
It can show up in ways that are hard to document but deeply distressing:
- Excessive or manipulative communication
- Harassment through family, friends, or online platforms
- Smear campaigns and defamation
- Threats of self-harm or guilt-tripping
- Legal abuse through drawn-out custody or property disputes
- Financial withholding or coercion
- Stalking and intimidation — sometimes subtle, but persistent
- Using children as weapons — turning them against you, using them to spy, or neglecting their needs
Post-separation abuse is especially common when children are involved. Co-parenting with an abusive ex can feel like a never-ending battle, leaving you emotionally drained and constantly on high alert.
Listen to me discuss dealing with post-separation abuse on
How It Affects You
Even though you have left the relationship, you may still feel:
- Constantly anxious, as if you’re waiting for the next blow
- Emotionally exhausted and confused
- Like you’re parenting under a microscope — always trying to “prove” yourself
- Guilty, isolated, and misunderstood
- Fearful for your safety or your children’s wellbeing
- Frustrated with a legal system that doesn’t understand well coercive control
- You may also doubt your own experiences — especially if others around you believe the abuse ended when the relationship did.
How Can Counselling Help You
Therapy offers a safe, validating space where you can begin to make sense of your experience, rebuild your sense of control, and plan your next steps with clarity and support.
With counselling, you can:
- Understand and name the patterns of post-separation abuse
- Learn how to emotionally disengage from manipulative tactics
- Develop protective boundaries when co-parenting with an abuser
- Reclaim your sense of safety, stability, and identity
- Heal the emotional injuries of chronic control, fear, and gaslighting
- Access referrals for trauma-informed legal and parenting support
You deserve a space where your story is understood — and where your safety and healing are prioritised.
If you’re navigating the aftermath of an abusive relationship and facing ongoing manipulation, harassment or fear — you’re not alone, and help is available.